I had the opportunity to do a 5-minute Ted Talk-style presentation at my place of work. Here is Part 1 of what I presented in essay form. For Part 2, be sure to become a subscriber.
There is a scene in the HBO show Girls when Hannah (Lena Dunham) is interviewing for a freelance gig, and the eccentric magazine editor asks Hannah to get adventurous with sex and drugs so she has something worth writing about.
Hannah is uncomfortable, and her body language shows it. In response, the editor points to a sign on the wall and says, "Have you seen my sign?" The sign is a rendition of the adage, “The Magic is Outside Your Comfort Zone.”
Rather than feeling inspired, Hannah is left frazzled. She doesn't know what to do with this advice. You can watch the clip here.
That scene has stuck with me for years. I've been there — dozens of times.
There's a lot to unpack about that scene, but for today's topic, the one takeaway is that the adage lacks substance. It doesn't mean much when you can’t define what the magic you’re seeking even consists of.
How can you take a leap out of your comfort zone to go find the "magic" if you don't know what the magic even looks or feels like? How will you find it? And how will you know you have found it?
All of us will go through some sort of change or transformation in our lives. Sometimes it's sudden; other times it's a feeling nagging at you. You're unsettled. You feel anxious. You feel like something is missing in your life. Ultimately, you know change needs to happen.
Though change is constant, if you pay attention, it's possible to design your own roadmap for what's next and how to get there. You can also (take a deep breath in) take your time. What a relief! But it still requires stepping outside your comfort zone.
In the book Next: The Power of Reinvention in Life and Work by Joanne Lipman, she discusses how major transformations are slow-moving. They take time and are less romantic than what we see in movies and read in books. She states:
"Far from being instant, almost all major transformations are gradual, even ones that may look otherwise to the casual observer. I call it the 'move before you move.' Most people begin edging toward a major transformation, often unknowingly, before they embrace it wholeheartedly."
This is a good thing. We’re given the gift of time to prepare for what’s to come. In a society that stresses the need to make big moves fast, understanding that making a change requires time gives us permission to take it slower.
Ultimately, it grants us time to plan for mishaps, mistakes, and failures. We’re able to be more considerate in our decisions, listen to feedback, and plan better.
Lipman continues:
"Giant leaps made without preparation are rare and likely to fail. Instead, those who are successful at making big changes take early steps … often before they are aware of what they're doing."
Isn't that wonderful? Just thinking about making the change means you're already on the right path. For example, you could spend years dabbling in a hobby just for fun without the pressure of being good at it. Years later, it could lead you to your next career move. But since you were more than likely not focusing on the destination, it left space to focus on perfecting your craft.
Just like change is constant, here’s another given: the presence of fear during a time of transformation. Fear will always be there, but if you take the time to make plans to prepare for the journey ahead, the fear will eventually take a back seat.
Even better, if you can find a way to spend more time searching for joy and fulfillment rather than focusing on the end goal, you’ll be much happier in the present moment.
Failures are inevitable. Mistakes will be made. If you fail to plan how you'll respond to failure, it will become ten times harder to try again. You'll end up discouraged, leading to an emotional setback. And if you're not even finding joy in the process, it's guaranteed that you'll experience burnout.
Instead, the best approach is take small steps (rather than a giant leap!) out of your comfort zone and embrace the journey ahead because you're less likely to get discouraged by failure. Instead, you’ll learn to accept that failure is part of the process.
With this approach, the journey is much more bearable, even during challenging times.
That’s not to say it still won’t be hard. During the journey, you'll come across challenges and obstacles over and over again. Fortunately, it's during these hard times that you'll:
Build confidence and become more self-aware.
Listen to feedback from others and implement the feedback.
Gain knowledge and experience to make better decisions.
This is where the magic is. During the journey, there is a period of growth. The more time you spend outside your comfort zone and inside your growth zone, the more magic you'll experience.
Because it’s a long journey, success will sometimes feel out of reach. How do you know if you're on the right path?
For me, I like to think of myself as the main character of my story. The Hero's Journey is a great tool for identifying where you're at in the present moment. Founded by Joseph Campbell, a once highly respected literature professor, The Hero's Journey is a storytelling template that illustrates the main elements of a story.
In every great story, the main protagonist is called on an adventure (a need to change), but there is a refusal to call (fear and self-doubt). Despite the discomfort, they answer the call. They leave the ordinary world (comfort zone) for the special world (growth zone). It's while spending time in the growth zone that they experience challenges and overcome obstacles.
With every small achievement, there is a lesson learned, and they eventually come back to the ordinary world bigger, better, and smarter than they were before. When it comes to stepping outside your comfort zone, here's my version of The Hero's Journey:
We will all go through this journey over and over again in a lifetime — through every big change, transformation, or milestone.
If you’re feeling stuck, I recommend thinking of yourself as the main character to create space between what you’re feeling and what you’re going through. Creating space allows for more reflection, more self-kindness, and better understanding.
I challenge you to get outside your comfort zone, but don't forget to enjoy the journey along the way.
In the next newsletter, I will share five tools to help you prepare for the journey ahead. For Part 2, be sure to subscribe so you don't miss it.
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