The Present Moment Is Meaningful (Even If It Doesn't Feel Good)
Being Present: Navigating What it Means and How to Be
“A misconception about being present is that the presence equals happiness. We take deep breaths, fix our posture, then wait. We're waiting to feel something. Shiny, clean, ready — happy! The way people in car commercials look like they feel.
You can be present and feel tired. You can be present and feel heartbroken. You can be present and not feel ready. Presence guarantees freedom, not happiness."
Katherine Morgan Schafler, excerpt from The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control
January's biggest lesson: The present moment is meaningful, even if it doesn't feel good
For 2024, my intention is to be more present. Along the way, I'm asking questions about what it means to be present, how to do it, and what the benefits are.
Here's what I've learned so far.
Being present doesn't always feel good. We often talk about grounding ourselves in the present moment as if it's going to take our pain away. Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that.
This misconception is most likely why many of us struggle to ground ourselves. We close our eyes and take a deep breath, and we wait for the pain to go away. To no avail, we continue to live somewhere else in our minds to cope.
If we're lucky, we unconsciously become present because it feels good. Let's say we're with friends, engaging in a deep conversation. To participate, we have to be in the moment, listening, thinking, and interpreting. And it feels good — we're in flow.
But you can also feel present as you sit in an office with your colleagues and listen to a layoff announcement. You're aware of what's happening, but it's going to be painful.
Fortunately, there's an upside to being present in uncomfortable moments. But we tend to miss out when negative feelings in the moment try to communicate with us.
For example, if we're working on a task at work that used to be engaging but now feels boring, we could use the information given in the present moment to get curious.
Why does this task feel boring now?
Am I tired or need a break?
Is it becoming repetitive?
Am I not being challenged enough?
What's missing here?
Negative emotions can give us clues. Though they are not rooted in fact, emotions are data points that can lead to clarity. It allows us to get curious about the present moment by identifying:
Who we're with
Where we are
What we're doing
Boredom is a feeling that many of us have a hard time sitting with, and we work so hard to make it go away. Especially in a society that defines time as money and preaches that every minute should be productive. Better yet, we feel the pressure to always be happy or fully engaged.
When we're bored, we disconnect from the present by daydreaming, multitasking, or doomscrolling.
Even worse, at times we'd rather be spiraling, overthinking, or ruminating — anything to eliminate the discomfort of boredom.
But boredom is a meaningful emotion that can lead to clarity, enable us to make a change, or identify an unmet need (like more challenging work, a change of scenery, or time to decompress). But if we don't allow ourselves to be bored, we miss out on these clues.
Since my intention is to think more about my thoughts and spend more time in the present, I've been challenging myself to pay attention to the moments that bring up uncomfortable feelings. It's an opportunity to ask:
Why does it feel uncomfortable being present right now?
Is there something I'd rather be doing?
What about this moment doesn't feel right?
I've also been taking note of the times I automatically shut down the present moment. Whether I start to doomscroll or daydream; two things I find myself doing a lot.
Just noticing when I fail to be present has already taught me so much.
Next time you're doing something and an uncomfortable feeling arises, take a look at who you're with, what you're doing, and where you are — and get curious.
What's the present moment trying to tell you?